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  Modern Mistress | Lead the Luxury Life You Deserve

  Modern Mistress is a complete guide for girls who would like a gentlemen to provide them with the finer things in life.

  Miss Hannah Jay, respected author of 5 Star Reviewed Avails: Escorting for the Elegant Woman and 5 Star Reviewed Questions for Miss Jay: An Escort's Guide to Style, Dates and Fun turns her elegant pen to the delights of the modern mistress.

  From lingerie choices to domina dates, Miss Jay speaks to the real world of the modern mistress. How to keep a man happy, negotiating a serious mistress allowance, looking expensive without spending a bomb; all the things a girl needs to know when she decides to take the plunge and be kept.

  The world has changed and the modern mistress has changed right along with it. But the good news is wealthy men have stayed exactly the same and when they have had their fill of high end escorts and low rent sugar babies they are ready for the mistress experience. They expect the best and are delighted to pay for it.

  While Miss Jay is writing for girls who want to be mistresses, Modern Mistress is also a guide to style for women who want the glossy, expensive, finished look and attitude a mistress has by second nature.

  Of course, Miss Jay also covers the do’s and don’ts for gentlemen who would like to give themselves the luxury of a modern mistress. (And she has a wise word for wives – a mistress may be your best friend.)

  Sensual, outspoken and always witty, Miss Jay is refreshingly direct as she lets her girls in on the secrets every modern mistress should know.

  Enjoy!

  Table of Contents

  Modern Mistress | Lead the Luxury Life You Deserve

  Table of Contents

  Preface: The Modern Mistress

  Chapter 1 | Why a Mistress, Why You?

  Who are you?

  What is a Mistress?

  A mistress is not an escort or a sugar baby

  The Modern Mistress

  Chapter 2 | The Mistress, Pantsuit Nation and the “Male Sex Deficit”

  Maximizing the Obvious

  Pantsuit Nation

  Time and Attention: the Mistress’s Secret Weapons

  The Femininity Deficit

  Back to the Future

  Chapter 3 | The Mistress as a Luxury Item

  Price is a Signal

  Style

  Details

  Let the Luxury Market Find You

  Sheep from Goats

  Closing

  Luxury Mistress

  Chapter 4 | Seeking Arrangement

  The Mistress Equation

  Negotiation

  Time and Exclusivity

  Chapter 5 | Get Glossy – Level Up Your Look

  Gorgeous Hair

  Gorgeous Skin

  Mani/Pedi Perfection

  Pearly Whites

  Clean

  A Touch of Sun – Or Not?

  Glossy Girls Dress Simply

  Jewelry, Bags and Shoes

  Attitude

  Chapter 6 | Dressing Up To Up Your Game

  Rules

  Basics

  Looking Expensive and Worth It

  Gifts are their Own Reward

  Chapter 7 | The Subtle Art of Undressing

  3 things to have or look for:

  Light

  Clothes

  The Reveal

  Chapter 8 | A Mistress’s Apartment

  Clean

  Tidy

  Organized

  Editing

  Step 1: MAKE A PLAN

  Step 2: RE-ARRANGE

  Step 3: COLOUR

  Step 4: LIGHTING

  Step 5: DETAILS

  Chapter 9 | Ten Things a Modern Mistress Can’t Live Without

  1. A SmartPhone

  2. A Little Black Dress

  3. Stockings

  4. Candles

  5. A Riding Crop

  6. Your Favorite Vibe

  7. Perfect Red Lipstick

  8. Great Towels and Sheets

  9. Little Black Slip

  10. Refreshment

  Just the Essentials

  Chapter 10 | Sex Tips for the Modern Mistress

  The Erotic Attitude

  Elise: Passive No More

  Take Away

  But What About Sex Tips?

  Chapter 11 | Getting Role Play Right for Mistresses

  The Role of the “Mistress”

  Expanding the Role

  A Safe Place

  OK, He’s Asked…Now What?

  Professional Grade

  The Real Role

  Chapter 12 | The Mistress in Charge

  Tools of the Trade

  Dressing the Part

  Showtime

  A Domina and a Mistress

  Chapter 13 | Mistress Style: Glamour – Putting it all together

  Glamour

  The Glamour of Alexandra

  Chapter 14 | Off-time for the Perfect Mistress

  Education

  Interning

  Exercise

  Mindfulness

  Someone to Talk To

  Chapter 15 | Man Talking – The Art of Conversation for Mistresses

  Why are you here?

  Active Listening

  Taking charge

  After the Fireworks

  Chapter 16| Mistress Style: Travelling Companion: Girl on the Go

  “Travelling companion!

  Chapter 17 | How Not to Get Caught: A Primer for Men

  An Ounce of Prevention

  Busted

  How Not to Get Caught: Take Two

  Chapter 18 | Why Mistresses Are No Threat To Wives

  A Mistress Does Not Wish to Marry Your Husband

  Safety

  A Professional Situation

  Married Sex is not Mistress Sex

  Fetishes

  The Expense is Controlled

  Limited Drama

  A Mistress Will Not Fall in Love With Your Husband

  A Mistress Listens

  Mistresses Can Restore Men

  Conclusion | The Modern Mistress Decision

  Strategic Planning Tips

  Long Term Strategy

  Taking Time

  The Thoroughly Modern Mistress

  Other Books by Hannah Jay which you might enjoy!

  Preface: The Modern Mistress

  We live in an age of miracles and wonders, smartphones and Tinder. Swipe left, swipe right: a date at your fingertip. Literally.

  For the vast majority of the population the very idea of a mistress is, if they think about it at all, a concept of a different age. Pre-feminist, pre-Internet, right there with fountain pens and real silk lingerie – quaint, a bit sexist and, surely, no longer an actual thing. A wealthy gentleman taking a younger girl under his wing, giving her an apartment and an allowance, visiting a couple of times a week for conversation and, yes, pleasure.

  In fact, like many good, but old fashioned, ideas being or having a mistress has never actually gone away. Instead, in a pornified world, a few intelligent women and sophisticated men have reinvented “the mistress” for a modern world.

  The essentials of the relationship have never changed: at a certain point a successful man realizes that there is something missing in his life. Being intelligent he considers his position and realizes that something is the company of a vivacious, attractive, younger woman. The trouble is that the old fashioned “have an affair with a girl in the steno pool” solution is out of the question. There is no steno pool, if there was each girl is a “sexual harassment” lawsuit waiting to happen and the potential for marriage ending drama makes the entire idea far too risky. The other solutions – high end escorts, sugar babies – are about sex and what is missing in his life is not exactly “se
x”. It’s something else.

  You.

  Chapter 1 | Why a Mistress, Why You?

  This is a book for women who want to know more about becoming a mistress. A modern mistress. It is also for men who, on reflection, would like the perks and pleasures patronage brings.

  The very idea of being a man’s mistress is more than a little old fashioned. Like pretty stockings and firm girdles, a world in which a man might keep a mistress and a woman might decide to be kept has seemingly vanished. And yet…

  Well, before we get to “And yet” what are we actually talking about? What is a mistress? And, more to the point, could you be a mistress?

  Who are you?

  Even thinking about becoming a mistress requires a bit of serious self-assessment? While there are women who somehow just fall into mistress relationships, most mistresses made a conscious choice and they made it because of what they knew about themselves.

  Do you like men? That seems to be a silly question but to be serious about being a mistress you actually need to like men and, in many cases, older, powerful, alpha men who are not terrifically sensitive or tolerant. To be a successful mistress – and why aim to be anything else – you have to like men. Like the way they act, how they smell, their eagerness and their ambition. You need to be able to understand how men compartmentalize, how they prefer to avoid emotion driven conversations, how they are concrete rather than abstract and, just as importantly, how often beneath the bluster even alpha males need a degree of nurture and direction.

  Do you like the feminine world? Quick…skirt or trousers? Lace or plain? Nail polish or natural? Stockings or bare legs? These are not all or nothing questions. But they and a hundred others suggest inclinations. The sort of man who actually understands what keeping a mistress is really all about is looking for a particular sort of woman. We’ll talk about that later in the book.

  Is your life in order? Ignoring for the moment financial matters, how are you doing? Are you working? Or going to school? Are you in reasonable shape? Sleeping well? Having a glass or two of wine every so often but partying only lightly? Friends? Family? Boyfriend? It may seem intrusive but if you want to think about being a mistress you need to have a sense of your own life being in control. A patron will smooth the financial bumps but you have to come to the table with very little baggage.

  Sex. Do you like sex? Can you have sex for the sheer fun of it without getting emotionally entangled? Are you good at sex? If not, are you willing to learn? Most of all, can you bring enthusiasm to the bedroom and a playfulness to the living room? How do you feel about your body?

  Intelligence. It does not matter if you have a Harvard degree or if you dropped out of grade ten. What does matter is if you are smart. Do you read? Do you have some idea of what is going on in the world? Do you like art or fashion or architecture? Do you speak a second language? Can you speak grammatically without slang and without swearing?

  Manners. Are you comfortable in good restaurants? Do you know when to wear a cocktail dress and when to wear an evening gown? Finger food or linen napkins? Do you wait for a gentleman to open a door, to stand when you enter a room, to hold your chair? Can you listen as well as you speak?

  Money. Are you good with money? Can you discuss money comfortably? Can you ask for what you are worth? Do you negotiate? Do you have a bank account? A credit card? A credit score? A mortgage?

  Dating. What is your favorite sort of date? Dinner and a movie? A long, lingering white linen feast? Burger and fries at the ballgame? A night at the Symphony? Gallery hopping? Drinks, dinner, bed? Dance til you drop? Go to the gym and then linger in the hot tub?

  Discretion. Have you ever had an affair? Seen a married man? Had an office romance no one knew about? How do you feel about secrets? Do you mind having a cover story?

  There are a hundred more questions a woman should ask herself before seriously thinking of becoming a mistress and some will come up as you read this book. Asking those questions and being honest in your answers is vital to your potential as a mistress.

  What is a Mistress?

  A mistress is a woman whose style, grace and elegance attracts the attentions of a man or men who enjoy the finer things in life and can afford them. In different circumstances, a man’s mistress might have been his girlfriend or his wife; but in certain circumstances that sort of relationship would suit neither.

  A mistress is, most of all, a woman who embraces the understated pleasures of a sophisticated, luxurious and lightly illicit entanglement comfortable knowing that it will, in time, end. A mistress has her reasons.

  This little book is not so much a guide as a series of suggestions. There is, after all, no right way to be a mistress. But, from the very beginning, there are many potential errors a mistress might make which, I hope, these few chapters will steer you away from.

  For gentlemen considering taking a mistress, reading this book will give you a glimpse of the pleasures which await. It will also give you a sense of where you might set your expectations.

  At its very most basic, the mistress/patron relationship substitutes money for love. Which is not to say that mistresses cannot grow very fond of their patrons and vice versa; but, ultimately, the mistress path is not intended to lead to a white picket fence and a sprawl of kids. It can lead to many other things – travel, gorgeous clothes, sexual connoisseurship, magical evenings and hours of clever conversation. Patrons and mistresses are often the best of friends and share things which husbands and wives may not be comfortable with. The substitution of money for love is something of a guarantee that the mistress and her patron will avoid drama, heartache and jealousy. It is an adult arrangement between two people.

  Not every woman can be a mistress and not every man makes a good patron. There is some art to both sides of the transaction but mistress and patron, at the outset, understand that whatever else their relationship is or may become, it is at root “business”.

  A mistress is not an escort or a sugar baby

  A woman who receives money for sex is liable to be seen as an escort if she takes the money “transactionally” for each encounter. If, on the other hand, she takes an allowance paid say monthly, she may be seen as a “sugar baby”. It is not, by the way, the money which creates the transaction; rather it is the clear nexus between money and sex.

  Crudely, a girl who is paid to give a man a blow job is an escort, and if she is paid monthly for, say, eight blow jobs, she is doing wholesale what an escort does retail.

  While one can spill a lot of ink making distinctions between service providers and high end escorts and then the sugar baby world, the fact is that none of these girls is under any illusion as to why men are visiting her. It really is “sex work” however it is dressed up.

  What sets a mistress apart is what else she does for her patron. She may be brilliant in the bedroom or merely willing, but unlike the escort or the sugar baby, she knows there are other rooms in the house. A mistress also knows that her patron is likely to be a man in full. Almost always intelligent – because he wouldn’t be able to pay her fees nor appreciate her gifts if he wasn’t – patrons are looking for women who offer more than the delights of the bedroom.

  The sugar world is all about having a “side piece” who will take the two AM booty calls and provide female companionship (and sex) for a generally rather small allowance. Sugar babies are seldom elegant and not in the least bit subtle because, and this is important, sugar daddies are uninterested in elegance or subtlety. They want a side piece their friends would want to bang if they could afford it. A sugar baby/sugar daddy situation tends to be fairly short term and very limited.

  To be a bit snobby, the sugar world is where guys who have made a bunch of money in the trades or running a liquor store find nail technicians and servers who are more than happy to settle for a couple of thousand dollars a month to take care of his “needs”. You are not them.

  The Modern Mistress

  Intelligent, alpha males work very hard
and are usually very demanding. They tend to be goal driven and, even as they get older, are highly competitive. They spend their days, ten to fourteen hours a day, often six and even seven days a week, winning. They have been winning since they were in the sandbox at the playground organizing the other kids to build their vision of a castle.

  Even when these men relax they do it competitively: a game of golf is played for $1000 a hole, tennis becomes a blood sport. If they are married they are usually married to equally intelligent, equally successful women. If they are not married or divorced they will date competitively.

  When a man like this realizes there is something missing in his life he will tend to direct his formidable analytic skills towards solving the problem. The modern mistress knows all this and when a man is ready she has positioned herself as the very best solution he could want.

  You will have noticed that to discuss the modern mistress we begin with a sketch of the modern patron. Which is a critical piece of information about the perspective the modern mistress adopts.

  The rise of feminist consciousness has, superficially, created the impression that a basic equality between men and women has been achieved. Even more superficially, there is a sense that men and women are, basically, the same. The modern mistress, while she may demand equal rights in the workplace, understands intuitively that men and women are very different indeed.

  The key insight, the insight which is at the core of the modern mistress relationship, is that a successful, driven, competitive alpha male does needs one place in his life which is absolutely non-competitive. Where, just by showing up, he has already won. And where winning does not matter. Where he can actually relax and, for a few hours, be taken care of, taken in hand, pampered and, at the same time, stimulated.

  The company of an intelligent, feminine, attractive women who, other than her allowance and the occasional nice gift, does not want anything from her patron, is not trying to advance her career or get financing for a project, who is paying full attention to what he wants to speak about, is what a modern mistress offers.

  For the modern mistress the goal is to offer her patron a deeply feminine oasis in the middle of his driven life. A bit of time which is outside the demands of his business, his family, his obligations. In exchange for which she is very well taken care of.